The Coca Cola Co. is next in line for my classified quest – they are better prepared for me

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 My Ed Snowden inspired quest for my own classified answers seems to be at an end. 

For the past five months, I have written and appealed to many Federal Agencies – Department of the Army, the Defense Intelligence Agency, the United States Air Force, Central Intelligence Agency, the FBI, the National Security Agency, the U.S. Marshall Service and the Coca Cola Co. about any documents they may posses about me, Shelby G. Spires.

 Well, I am thinking about writing the Coca Cola Co., anyway. 

I got responses from every letter and email I sent. These boiled down to:

“We don’t know you, and we don’t want to know you. If we did want to know you, which we do not, then we wouldn’t be able to tell you how much we do not want to know you. Sincerely, those of us who are not in the know – at all – about anything.” 

Finally, though, I did get a response from the DIA which told me FIVE (5) pages existed that had some information about me – the Shelby G. Spires.

I whooped for joy. I knew there was SOMETHING about me out there.

Well, it came down to two items. One was a trip I was cleared to go on in 1996 to Jordan. Then, the other was a trip I was cleared to go on to Iraq in 2005. Travel orders. It all came down to travel orders.

AND I was only accorded the privileges of a Major – an O-4. When I went to San Diego, with the Alabama Air National Guard, I was an O-7 – that is a general officer. The quarters were great in San Diego, too. San Diego is wonderful … I digress.

Now, I have signed in, signed over and signed out hundreds of times across several military bases and none of that was releasable – or filed to begin with – to me. There are countless media logs my name is in. Nope, nobody searched through those, either. Or they are not filed in that warehouse everybody knows the Govt. keeps all sorts of stuff (this is a joke).

In short, all the certified letters and the time spent by Public Affairs officials netted me travel orders, which I forgot about to begin with.

Thanks Ed Snowden. I hope things work out in Moscow for you. It is cold in Russia, dude.

The Colonel

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